A mothers love. A mothers pain.

I was inspired to write this due to the ongoing events at Standing Rock. I find it hard to get behind many movements due to the complex and in many cases subjectively inspired points of view, but this one has been met with a deeply intuitive ‘yes’ from the depths of my soul and reminded me how much our mother loves and suffers for us.

About a year ago I decided to take some magic mushrooms at a festival. I do generally tend to use psychedelics for growth but that night I was just looking to kick back and relax whilst I went on a psilocybin-bliss-fueled trip. Little did I know that these very special mushrooms had other ideas in store for me which perhaps I should have realized when the dealer handed them to me with a knowing smirk, “These are golden teachers. Maybe you’ll learn a lesson or two,”… I did learn a lesson. A very big one.

A few hours after ingesting, perhaps a tiny bit more than I usually do, I felt the familiar rush of tingles that have accompanied my all very innocent and joyful mushroom trips. Almost as soon as I felt this, a heaviness came over me, like a bomb had been dropped in the pit of my stomach, pulling my feet back down to the earth and forcing me to feel an unexpectedly full and heavy pain.

I looked up, my feet stuck on the ground as if to say ‘you need to feel this’ and the gigantic  mountain before me morphed into a huge naked woman, stricken in pure agony and roped up against her will -but not making any sounds as if to not alarm her blissfully ignorant yet beautiful children, muddy-feet dancing on her giving ground. I noticed how much she loved them, how much she loved me and how she had through this love, allowed us for centuries to explore the darkest parts of consciousness to her detriment, but I could also feel that even she had a breaking point. That perhaps natural disasters were just an expression of pain she just couldn’t hold onto any longer.

” The earth is our mother.Whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons and the daughters of the earth. This we know. All things are connected. Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web we do to ourselves” Chief Seattle

As I watched the smiling faces around me, I began to feel a resentment that I had always felt but had been unaware of until that moment. Why did I have to feel this as well?  Why did I have to walk around soaking up all the shit of the world whilst the rest of humanity moves throughout their days without a single clue? I was told intuitively that many of us have come here to transmute. That we have chosen to dance in the misery, to make art out of it, to turn it into light, that Mother Earth was now going through a shift herself and that she needs us. I felt the resentment melt away as if remembering some honourable calling.

Standing Rock has ignited this remembrance in me. Of how we came here not only to love but to stand together and fight for love and for the earth. It reminded me of a mothers’ love and the anger that results after being pushed to the edge. I feel as though those at Standing Rock are reflections of this. Of a mother so patient and kind but who simply can not stand the pain anymore.

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