I can be highly indecisive, I lack trust in my intuition and I have been quite resistant to the idea of positive affirmations or the law of attraction until recently so yes, this may be old news to many of you and may even be spirituality/self-development 101 but due to the fact that I partially write for the purpose of plant medicine integration, here is some perspective on how you can attract the life you want. (side note: I literally make no promises as this is new territory for me)
Recently, I attended an ayahuasca ceremony where I learned that fear is a choice. It was as if my whole life I was unaware that the ability to make this choice existed. It felt, in an almost literal sense, that I had accessed a mechanism in my brain that I was never able to access before, or that I had forgotten at some point. I realized though that yes, although I had learned how to access this strange mechanism, I would probably forget how to if I didn’t practice it on a constant basis.
My solution? Ice-skating. Yes, as ridiculous as it may sound, ice-skating has been a bane of my existence for the past few years, where every time I went, I would end up in tears, simply due to the fact that I could not consistently stay on the ice as I would end up in panic mode. (Yes. I cry a lot. It makes life really fun for those around me. )
The reason this activity was one that I could not simply push through is that it requires constant choice. Other fear-inducing activities such as bungee-jumping require that you simply push through your anxiety in one moment and from there on out you have no choice. You are flying through the air whether your panic-fuelled body likes it or not. Therefore, when I went ice-skating, the fear in my mind would permeate throughout my body and I would instinctively clutch for safety.
This time, although my body, which I have realized is still holding onto a lot of anxiety, tried to react in its conditioned patterns, I managed to overcome it by accessing this mechanism. The funny thing is, it did not end there.
As I mentioned, I have always been a little impervious to the idea of the law of attraction. Not because I am against it or because I think it’s not real. To be honest, I have no idea if its real or not. All I know is that when I attempted to use affirmations or to engage in any sort of exercise, it would illicit a very uncomfortable feeling in my body (what I used to think was intuition but am slowly starting to realize may simply be fear of power)
Funnily enough, I somehow managed to have a conversation with a huge role model of mine who suggested that I focus on what I want to feel rather than what I specifically want. Furthermore, she suggested I that I use my mind to explore all the crazy possibilities of what my life could look like if it lived up to this feeling or feelings.
Although internally, my body did its usual resistance routine, I decided to give it one last try. What I realized is that by focusing on how I want to feel, all I have to do at any given moment when faced with a decision or a problem, is simply ask myself ‘What would the highest version of yourself, who is living your wildest dreams’ do in this moment?” I then simply make the conscious choice to act in that way.
“If you could train yourself into knowing that what you want is already done, it would be done right now” -Abraham Hicks
The strange thing was that all these choices brought out the same decisive feeling that I had experienced when dealing with fear. I now see that every single moment, I can choose to act in my highest potential. All it takes is the realization that every momentary decision, thought, or feeling does actually hold power where it’s not necessarily about control, but simply about deciding from moment to moment how you are going to ‘show up’ in the world, as Aurianna Joy always states.
I have now started to make decisions and to show up in my life as though my wildest dreams already exist and, to be honest, I have no way to prove this, but I am pretty sure that these dreams are steadily on their way…or already here.