For many years of my life, I searched for my ‘purpose’. After failure followed by some more failure of really not touching on anything that made my heart truly sing I sort of forgot about this whole purpose business and resigned myself to just following a passion of mine: writing.
No these two are not the same thing and a few months ago a friend of mine reminded me of this. He said something along the lines of, “passion loses its fire without a purpose to back it up” and honestly, although at the time I did not pay much attention to what he was saying, that’s what happened with my writing.
Now, I am not completely giving up on writing. I will still be writing this blog as well as for a few very special clients but I have let go of the dream of one day writing a novel or becoming some famous writer. I was trying to force it and it just wasn’t working.
After I let go of this, I felt as lost as I was a few years back but this time instead of trying to be found I decided that being lost was actually quite liberating. I then made the choice to just start working on myself and simply start working towards being the highest version of myself to create the life I truly want: the ‘career’ or purpose would come and fill itself into this life.
After a while though, this started to make me feel a little selfish. A lot of my friends in spiritual circles were talking about how much they wanted to heal others and how much of a calling they felt towards it. I didn’t get it. I was feeling a calling towards becoming the best version of myself. I started wondering if I was just using spirituality as some sort of narcissistic tool.
Then, about a day ago, I woke up with this unexplainable love in my heart and I just felt this huge urge to heal or more importantly to help others find their inner power and self-love in order to heal themselves. This feeling was not the same as passion although I could see how it could be derived from it. It was a deep sense of knowing combined with an almost mind-boggling unconditional love.
I realized that this purpose was very evident to me as a young child. These knowing and loving feelings were my basic state of being but I lost it through all the “you’re too sensitive”s and “you’re too kind-hearted”s.
Further, then this, I realized that my desire to become and manifest the highest version of myself was drawn out of this place. How could I help people love themselves and step into their power completely if I have not fully aligned and integrated this myself?
I am still working on this alignment and integration: on loving myself and on stepping into my power, but I know when the time is right and when I am ready, the specifics of my purpose will become crystal clear.
As Aurianna Joy said, “You don’t find your life purpose. Your life purpose finds you”.