For a long time, I thought surrender meant letting go to something outside of myself, of allowing some divine force to steer my life in any which so direction it so chose. This led me to ignore my desires in favour of some exterior will.
What I did not realize is that my desires are an expression of divine will. In fact, every single light and dark and gray and strange and beautiful part of me is an expression of it, so why was I trying to force myself to do things I don’t like?
Perhaps it stems from my Catholic background. There is a part in the bible where Jesus asks God if he really has to go through with the crucifixion. He ends it with “Thy will be done” which, at least from my interpretation, meant surpassing the ego and following divine will-sacrificing your ego for a larger cause.
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what make you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive”-Howard Thurman
The thing is your desires are not your ego. Your attachments are. You can tell the difference by asking which one free’s you and which one imprisons you. Desires are a push to your soul’s purpose. Attachment, on the other hand, is shedding light on an area of your life that you have something to learn from or something to let go of, eventually.
So stop denying yourself your inner purpose and surrender to your desires, step in the direction of what sets your soul on fire and watch the universe open up for you.