The process of awakening, at least for me, has been quite the rollercoaster ride and it can be exhausting at times. I always sort of expected what I read in all the awakening books-one day Sam or John or Mary was meditating or sitting on their couch than BAM! AWAKENING! and they never faced another problem a day in their beautiful and rosy awakened life. Also, their names are probably something mystical now like Shanti or Om.
Yeah. For me, it’s been more of a Dayna-is-watching-tv-or-meditating-or-picking-something-gross-out-of- her-toenail and then BAM! AWAKENING! everything is beautiful and amazing for like…the next 2 days…or 3 months ..and then it all goes away and Dayna with her overthinking, anxiety, goals, problems, ups, downs, crazy emotions and really strange dance moves is back and cooking up some really interesting stories. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
I don’t necessarily have a problem with this. It is sort of like riding the same roller coaster over and over again. Just a little dizziness…and nausea.
What I have noticed is that when I do sink into my heart and “awaken”-everything simplifies, life becomes easier and most of all it feels like I have come home.
When I am ripped back into my little story-it’s almost as if I have left home and now I’m missing it. I have realized our consistent grappling with life-trying to bend it and pull it into some perfect version is just an expression of us missing this’home’.
Every obsession, every addiction, every unhealthy relationship, stringent ideology or political stance is us grappling to find a home somewhere outside of ourselves.
Well, let me tell you-although far be it if anyone listened to this (I never did)-it doesn’t work. It never does. Not even a little bit.
Now I am not saying don’t get involved in anything. What I am saying is maybe stop trying to find your home in everything outside and start taking a peek within.
Your home-our home- can only be found inside.It can only be found from looking within and releasing all the labels, all those feelings of undeservedness and surrendering to that simple light within your heart.
“It was when I stopped searching for home within others and lifted the foundations of home within myself, I found there were no roots more intimate than those between mind and body that have decided to be whole”-Rupi Kaur
At the end of the day and as they say, we are all just walking each other home, right?